I'm Going To Write A Book....

...and here is the plot synopsis.

There is a country, which has a government. This government is seemingly made up of people from one nation in this country - a nation which also has it's own government (unlike the other 3 nations that make up this fictitious country). The public at large don't seem to find this strange, but then they are more interested in people who are famous for no obvious reason, and voting them out of jungles and into dancing competitions. As a result, the government is allowed to get away with all sorts of things, like recording who you have phoned, and arresting MP's who try and stop bad things from being covered up. A small, but growing proportion of the residents of the country are very naughty, but because the police have caught both Administration-Overloaditis and Healthandsafety Syndrome, nothing can be done to stop them. This scares everyone else, and helps sell newspapers. As a result, the government explain how they will sort it out by Tuesday, forcing the bad news into places no-one ever looks anymore. And so the people get ever-more taxed, regulated and controlled.

Against the background of this wars are being fought at great expense against an enemy that might not even exist, for a cause that has it roots in the bad feelings that the wars create.

And then, just when everyone though they knew who win Strictly I'm Famous In The Jungle Acadamy, the banks (who have been ripping everyone with impunity) realise they have given all their money away. As a result, the government have to replace all the missing cash, with money from the pockets of the people who gave the missing money to the banks in the first place. But because someone who really was famous won Celebrity Tea Picking, this wasn't figured out.

In the meantime, as a result of oil company greed and spiralling taxation reducing the money in the pockets of the people, and the banks venting their frustration at their own bad management by squeezing their customers, recession arrived.


At this point I gave up on writing the book, as it became obvious that no-one would find the above even vaguely feasible....

Would The Last Publican To Leave 'Great' Britain Please Switch The Lights Out....

Sometimes you have to wonder why people do what they do - like, for example, take on a pub tenancy. For they are entering into the shadowy world of the 'Pubco', and, admittedly with their eyes open (but temporarily blinded by 'promises'), a very weird business world indeed. A world where you are forced to buy product (ie beer, cider, etc) at very high prices, a world where if you do well your rent is put up accordingly, and now seemingly a world where falling beer sales mean your rent must go up to cover the shortfall in income to the pubco. You don't need to be Carol Vorderman to see that if your income goes down, a rent rise, sorry hike, is the last thing you need...

But if you run a pub in Islington, it might just get even worse... Now I beleive the pub should be a major part of the community - of EVERY community, and pubs do more than just sell alcohol (I don't recall ever seeing a pub that offered more beers than soft drinks, for example). So they should do everything they can to play this role, and avoid being a thorn in side of their community. But if they are a problem, it's only when they have customers behaving badly. These customer will invariably be part of that community as well. Do they too then not have the same obligation? Apparently not. Probably against their 'human rights' to behave in an orderly & respectful fashion. But in Islington, one of the many things pubs will be forced to do is remind their customers that urinating in the street is an offence. On the face of it, no civilised member of society would condone on or off-street pissing in built up areas (although it is OK for dogs to do it...). But look deeper - if the pub is responsible for passing this message on, then it is possible they could then be blamed if it doesn't get through. Looking further in, the guilty individuals are more likely to be younger than older (unless of course it's Bournemouth, Gateway To The Incontinent), so therefore it is reasonable to assume they were educated in Islington. In which case, it begs the question, why the hell Islington council doesn't teach basic manners at school?

Or is that too against Human Rights....